Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The One With The Freckle Faced Girl

So I've always been an outgoing girl and managed to love myself, flaws and all. The older I get, though, the more antisocial I become. I have a fear of going to new places and meeting new people...thinking they will judge me...a silly fear I know...not because they WON'T...but because I can't help it if they DO.

I always hated my freckles growing up. Beleive it or not, they began to fade in high school because I lived in a very cloudy climate and I didn't spend a ton of time outdoors. But since having kids they are back full-force, because of all of the outdoor play!

I want to show you the photo I used for a long time as my avatar. Many of you have been around long enough to remember it. This was taken weeks after Naomi was born.

I have a lot of freckles in this picture but they are all edited out. But what's the point of that?




And what happened after that? I had another baby very quickly, gained 40 lbs, and lopped off all of my hair.

In the aftermath, I'm left scrambling to pick up the peices of my self-esteem. I had to run out on no notice yesterday, but ended up with my roomie in a restaurant, unplanned. I ran into TWO people I know..(of course). One didn't recognize me because I look so different and the other was my TA in Geology at WSU. She looked the same and I just looked...well, like I look. I was in a hoodie, maternity pants, and sans shower. I felt so frumpy.



I did a layout about accepting my freckles. Really, though, I should accept all of me. I know I'd be lying to you if I said I did. It's a journey and I'm just not there yet.

15 comments:

DawnMarch said...

So many of us struggle with this! It's strange how we define ourselves so much by our looks when it such a small part of who we are. You're gorgeous, Lena -- BELIEVE IT!

Kresta said...

Self esteem is such a hard thing. However, I think I'm gaining more the older I get. I think you're beautiful!

Amy said...

I struggle with the same things. The older I've gotten the more anti social I have become as well, thinking others will judge me. I love your freckles!

Jennifer said...

You know what, I am guilty of photoshopping my freckles as well. I hate looking anything other than fab...but no matter how I look, I still don't like myself. I'm glad to know I am not alone in my hatred of freckles and that there are others still struggling to embrace themselves for exactly who they are.

Tracy said...

Awww...I like freckles. I've had them all my life and I think they add that certain air of youth to all of us. :)

Claudi said...

oh sweetie! I know how you feel! I don't like photos of myself!

I hope you will find a way to live with your freckles and finally start to love them! they are super cute and I love them

Colleen said...

Way to go Lena! Embrace those freckles! That's one step in the journey you're on, and it's a great one :)

Barb said...

Aren't we all there? I think so. Lena, I think you're lovely, especially your freckles! Big hugs to you!

Brandy said...

Aww, you're gorgeous Lena! The combination of the freckles and the red hair are a couple of my favorite features about you! I'm actually a bit envious!

Mary said...

Lena love your new look and your new found feelings for your freckles ;)

Juliana said...

I'm a freckled-face girl, too! I am not sure if I have ever hated my freckles, but I've had other issues with my other features.

I liked the freckles because not everyone else had them. Also, there was that Brady Bunch where Peter said freckles are cool...well, then, it must be true!

Thanks for visiting my blog today. :)

Aggie said...

I so understand where you are coming from Lena and Im so happy you have come full circle!

Amanda said...

Great layout- from one freckle face to another!

NURUL FARID said...

People in my country said the more freckles you have, the more wiser you are.

jessica said...

everyone always tells me my freckles make me look yunger. I ate them too. I wish I had perfectly flawless tan skin but I do not tan. I burn. In minutes. Couple that with living in Florida all my life and it is a recipe for disaster. I cant change who I am though and my hubby loves me for me flaws and all so that is enough. I do love your layout and think it is awesome!!